p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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