Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Damn victory sex feels great
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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