I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
