No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
