Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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