I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
