just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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