...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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