Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
