If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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