I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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