took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize