just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
