Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
