there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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