i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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