All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
