I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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