then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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