In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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