and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He felt like a one man threesome
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
