just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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