You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
