sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
