4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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