Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
