He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
