Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
