I wish you could order shots online.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
