Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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