I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
