so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
