Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
