life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
