Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
FUCK WHALES
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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