Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
