I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
