Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
