I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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