since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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