Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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