Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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