if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
