How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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