I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
