after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
