I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
