He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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