Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
