he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
